Childhood is meant to be a time of security, development, and unwavering affection; it is designed to establish a strong base for life. Regr...
Childhood is meant to be a time of security, development, and unwavering affection; it is designed to establish a strong base for life. Regrettably, for countless individuals, this essential stage is disrupted by trauma, a subtle storm that results in profound, often unseen injuries. This suffering does not always appear as an obvious wound; it turns into a concealed injury, expressing itself through anxiety, difficulties in relationships, and emotional turmoil in adulthood. Recovering from these challenging childhood experiences represents the courageous choice to recognize the pain you were compelled to face and start the journey toward wholeness.
More than two-thirds of children are reported to face at least one traumatic incident by the time they turn 16. While the occurrence differs depending on the nature of the trauma, research indicates considerable levels of negative childhood experiences, such as physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, along with neglect and exposure to violence. Levels of family instability, including parental divorce or domestic violence, are also notable, with one study revealing an overall rate of 34.4% for parental separation and 18.4% for domestic violence in specific groups.
The reality is that more intense traumatic experiences are more prone to result in adverse effects on a child. Moreover, going through various forms of trauma raises the likelihood of facing mental health challenges. Additionally, the way a caregiver or parent responds to a child's trauma can have a major effect on the child's future, while the child's physical and emotional proximity to the traumatic event can affect its consequences.
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Currently, childhood trauma is more than just a painful recollection; it refers to an occurrence or sequence of occurrences that exceeds a child's capacity to manage, breaking their core feeling of security and confidence in the world. As the esteemed trauma specialist Dr Gabor Maté accurately stated, "Trauma is not what occurs to you, but what takes place within you as a consequence of what occurred to you." It represents an inner disturbance that shifts the energy of a growing brain from forming connections and progressing toward alertness and survival.
The impact of childhood trauma is deeply embedded in the life of an adult survivor. The type of trauma—whether a single, frightening acute incident, prolonged exposure to danger, or the severe damage caused by complex trauma within the caregiving environment—shapes the kind of wounds experienced. These unresolved memories seldom remain confined; they appear as survival strategies that were once crucial but later turn into debilitating remnants in adulthood.
The reality is that this is often most evident in the body and the mind's reaction. Emotionally, the survivor may experience intense, sudden shifts in mood, referred to as emotional dysregulation, or alternatively, a constant, tired sensation of emotional numbness. Their nervous system might remain in a continuous state of alert, leading to hypervigilance—constantly watching for danger—and an overactive response to minor, unexpected sounds. This reaction is the physical result of a body programmed for threat; it is not an exaggeration.
In relationships, trauma often appears as a fear of closeness or significant difficulties in trusting others, resulting in a pattern of distancing oneself before more hurt can occur. Behaviorally, this inner turmoil may lead to self-destructive behaviors such as impulsive decisions, high-risk actions, drug use, or self-injury, all aimed at managing the intense internal crisis. Physically, the stress from past experiences can become trapped in the muscles and digestive system, manifesting as long-term health problems like chronic pain, ongoing headaches, or digestive issues with no identifiable physical cause. Beneath it all lies a severe lack of self-worth, a deep and unshakable conviction of being inherently worthless or guilty.
Now, the process of healing from childhood trauma is not a structured medical approach; it is a deep and personal journey back to one's true self. It doesn't start with a strong statement but often with a soft, continuous voice—the quiet understanding that past emotional injuries are shaping the way we live today. For many years, we may find ourselves trapped in patterns of anxiety, depression, or complicated relationships, merely getting by without fully grasping why the world seems so threatening or why we feel fundamentally flawed. This phase is characterized by denial and protection, a crucial barrier built by our younger self to cope with unbearable situations. The tiredness we experience isn't just from daily adult responsibilities; it's the fatigue of bearing the burden of trauma every single day.
Following this is the awakening, a time when long-standing patterns are ultimately examined. Perhaps a new relationship reveals an old pattern, or an article discussing trauma causes a realization. This is the point where bravery is needed: taking the step across the threshold from unawareness to understanding. We start to confront the reality of what occurred, giving ourselves permission to experience the pain, anger, and deep sorrow that had been frozen in time. It is frightening, yet crucial, to link those past experiences with our present actions, recognizing that the coping strategies that once kept us safe are now limiting our capacity to live completely.
Once the truth is revealed, the challenging process of restoring a sense of security starts. Since trauma is embedded in the body as well as the mind, this stage focuses on calming a nervous system that has remained in 'fight or flight' mode for many years. It involves developing emotional control, navigating intense emotions without being overwhelmed by them. We may discover basic yet effective techniques such as mindfulness, grounding practices, or soft physical movements to communicate to our body, "You are safe now." This ongoing act of caring for oneself is not a luxury; it is the essential base of healing.
The reality is that engaging with a therapist who understands trauma is essential to this journey. This connection offers a safe space to gradually and tenderly explore the fundamental experiences, not to re-experience them, but to understand and incorporate them. Using techniques such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing or storytelling, we begin to create a clear narrative, transforming the experience from a painful, ongoing event into a completed part of our life. Significantly, we start to mourn the childhood that was taken and learn to become a caring, protective inner parent for the child we once were, providing the acceptance and support that was lacking. We establish limits, realizing that safeguarding our peace and expressing our needs is an indication of strength, not self-centeredness.
The greatest outcome of this journey is unity and personal development. The past may not vanish, but its ability to influence the present weakens. We uncover a deep strength, realizing we were never truly damaged but only responded normally to abnormal situations. We become more aware in the moment, our connections improve, and we gain a fresh sense of direction. As we learn, healing isn't about returning to who we were before the trauma; it's about discovering our true self now, accepting our wounds as signs of survival, and moving ahead with inner courage and genuine kindness towards ourselves.
Ojenagbon, an expert in health communication and a certified management trainer and consultant, resides in Lagos.
Provided by SyndiGate Media Inc. (Syndigate.info).
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